The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
