SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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