I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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