Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(440): View more from Ohio

My astrological sign? Vagitarius.

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(336): View more from North Carolina

He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.

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(214): View more from Texas

I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.

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(613): View more from Ontario

Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.

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(914): View more from New York

Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.

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