My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
