He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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