I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize