i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Drake has all the answers
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
