May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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