you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
