I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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