They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
