Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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