Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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