Soap is not a condiment
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
