Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
