are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
