i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
