His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
