Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize