just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
