In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
