He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
