Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
