i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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