i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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