when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
