just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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