Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
