Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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