note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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