So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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