can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
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