Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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