Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
