Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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