Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
