You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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