Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
