It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
