yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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