This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
