I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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