It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
We talked him into tasing himself.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
