I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
