Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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