i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
