I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
