My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
