I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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