i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
