Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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