Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
