I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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