dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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