I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
