ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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