I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
