What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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