Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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