i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
