he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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