I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
