I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
