I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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