that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
