why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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