Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
