I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize