His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
