good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
