and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
