Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
