Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
