What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize