I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
