Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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