We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
