at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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