I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
