Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
