Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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