this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
it's like iHOP with fire
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
