Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
