I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
