Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
