There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
