Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize