and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
