i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
