hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
