i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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