Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
