i need an iv and a liver transplant
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
