wrigley field is MILF paradise
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
