T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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